Twenty-second...

 
Dear God.

It's been a long long time since I last wrote you, isn't that right? And here I am again with my stupid problems. Yes, they are stupid. But somehow I want the world to know... anyone would probably find me annoying if I spoke to them directly and complained. So I guess I'll just write here, then.
It's just that every time it's about me making mistakes. Whenever I want to help, whenever I just want to have fun or whenever I want to point out a problem (or a bunch of problems), I guess I still haven't learned how to do these things right. I don't know. Well... it was really all right when noone was around. I can't make mistakes when nothing's expected, right? So why, why do I have to make them now?
All my life, I longed to be important in any way possible - for someone, for something... I hate to just look important, I want to be important. But that thing... I guess it's somehow impossible. Even if I do become important for someone, there nothing but disappointment waiting for them. I tried. More than once. More than twice. Even though I tried to find some motivation and all... every time it ended up the same. Every time, the same stupid sentence started ringing in my head.
"You just can't do it. And you know why? Because you're not meant for it."
I always wanted to believe two things: First - There's no such thing as talent. If things get difficult, work hard and go for it. And second - You can always manage your destiny yourself.
Maybe I could try and work hard - but I don't know how to work hard. And when people tell me "just stop thinking too much and walk up your path", I'm not able to do as they say. I can try to make myself do stuff, to forget... but when the problem is too big, it doesn't go away.
I don't think people understand me. Well, I'm sure I don't understand either. This is my problem - I don't know what to do because I don't know what they expect of me. Even after so long, I still know nothing about people. Nothing at all.
I'm just so scared I could lose something obtained in the last seven months. I'm so sorry.
For today, I must thank my roommate and one of my web friends - they did a lot for me.

Thanks for listening - well, reading actually.
Feeling all better now (even though I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up)
your bittersweet me


Čti dále...

Twenty-first...

 
Dear God.

I just made a big decision. Up until now, I really behaved like a spoiled little brat. Yes, people are unfair to me. There's about a million reasons I could dislike them for. But jeez, what right do I have to complain? I live in the exact same world as everyone else and I have to fight my way through it. I have to fight, not run away. And I was running away. There's a ton of things I was running away from. A while ago I talked to my special person. I gave him some shit I never should have and he went to bed. It helped a bunch, talking to him. Right after that, I changed my mind. But I can't keep on depending on him. It'd get hard on both of us. I hate myself when I whine. Actually, I've hated myself overall a lot recently. That doesn't really help, does it?
This was really a tough winter and I'm still in a tough situation. But tomorrow (today, actually, but let's just say after my good deep sleep) a lot of things about me are gonna be different. There's always been this ideal person I wanted to be. And there's no reason to not become one. No more running away. Fight-oh! And this time, it's gonna last.
And please... teach me to think the right things at the right moment. ;)

Hopefully, there won't be too many messages to you in the future. Don't take it to heart. And hopefully no.2, I won't die of hunger in the next few days, since it's very probable, looking at my current financial situation. Well, gotta fight it too.
Your determined me


Čti dále...

Twentieth...

 
Dear God.

You know what? I'm fucking damn angry!!! And it's my fault... my fault for hoping uselessly... my fault for trying hard for things that can't be changed... my fault. I'm not gonna try again. This is my punishment. Am I being made fun of? Really? Well, that's my fault too. I'm gonna go back.
No crying. No feeling depressed. I used to be good at making the impression of everything going right. I also managed today. This is how it's supposed to be. Noone will give me what I want. I want too much. I want things that don't exist in this world. Who cares. I'll live through it. I always did. And the last three years... well, someone got lucky here. And it finished.

I know you understand. Well, most of the people understand too, why else would they do the things they do? Hope you are well, my non-existent willow.
your better-not-be-trying-too-hard me


Čti dále...

Nineteenth...

 
Dear God.

I feel awfully tired. There's been a certain... someone... that occupied my mind. Right now there's a little more of these "someones". I don't know what to think anymore. Everybody's been making me feel guilty. Am I now? What am I supposed to think? Somehow everybody thinks I always have time for them. I'm not a god, dammit! Do I really need to sacrifice some to please others? Every time I say I'm sorry I'm at guilt... and every time I'm tired I'm also at guilt... when I forget something because I had too much other work to do, I'm at guilt again. When I want to care, they point out sarcastically that I suddenly care? And when I turn my back at them, they get mad. Am I really that bad? I'm going crazy. My mind is full of things I don't need. And when I need someone... they're not there. Why did I find people to talk to? When I was alone, I didn't mind being forgotten. I guess I got really spoiled...
I wanna be alone again. All alone... but I don't really have the strength to do that. I don't have the resolve either. Why do I have to cling to hope so much? Please... can't you make my mind blank? There's so much... so much that I just keep doing stupid things and disappointing people.

I can't really stop writing these awfully negative messages, I have at least one place to relieve my stress at. Don't be mad. Not you.
your not-too-hyper-today me


Čti dále...

Eighteenth...

 
Dear God.

I better go back to English - I can express myself a little better that way. Not a thing I should be proud of but let's just use the best means possible to do so.
I got a feeling I really am too good to certain people. Maybe giving too much is not the best way to go, even if it's just in return. I can't say I'm a saint - I'm not and I'm not trying to be one. It's just that sometimes I expect so much from myself... and I tend to forget who I am and what I can afford. And why is it I give so much to the people I like but not that much to the people I love? I'm getting indebted, meaning in more than one way. The feeling's not too good.
The other problem is the feeling of helplessness. There's so much on my mind rght now. I'd like to do something but I can't. I can't help the people around me, I just can sit and watch. So many problems to which I don't know of a solution... and I'm seriously tired of running away. There's been enough of running away in my life. But I'm still scared that one day I will. Again.

God, don't take it personally. I really am happy right now but that doesn't mean I have no problems. There's enough. Maybe this will help me keep it cool.
Have a very nice freezing day
Your pointlessly weird me


Čti dále...

Sedmnáctý...

 
Milý Bože.

Rozhodla jsem se, že ti tentokrát napíšu ve svém rodném jazyce, který, ač jej neovládám příliš mistrně, mám přece jen velmi ráda. Doufám, že tě to potěšilo.
Chvílemi mě tak napadá, jestli bych byla skutečně hodně jiná, kdybych se narodila jako někdo úplně jiný. Zjistila jsem, že už se zase našla neuvěřitelná spousta věcí, které se mi na mně skutečně nelíbí. Jistá larva tu nemá tušení, co s tím. Jakmile si totiž začnu v něčem věřit, ukáže se, že jsem v tom vlastně úplně nemožná. Bez výjimky. Existuje někde nějaké místo jen pro mě?
Přijde mi to najednou hrozně smutné. Neustále tápu. Už nejsem teenager, ale nejsem skoro o nic dál, než jsem byla, když mi bylo deset. Jak to, sakra? Kde se stala chyba?
Vím, že úplně nejhorší je říkat, že to stejně vzdám nebo že už je příliš pozdě. Vždycky je tu možnost začít úplně nanovo. Ale já nevím ani jak ani kde a cosi mi k tomu chybí. A stydím se. Stydím se za tolik věcí, že kdybych je tu vypsala všechny, ty i případný čtenář byste tu museli strávit pěkných pár dní, než byste usoudili, že číst dál nemá cenu, protože ač jste se ještě nedostali ani přes půlku, už tak je vám jasné, že jsem naprosto nemožný a beznadějný případ.
Něco ti ale řeknu. Ještě pořád se nevzdávám. Já vím, peklo je natěšené, ale... ještě chvilku bych tu chtěla zůstat a pokusit se. I když vím, že nikdy nebudu tam, kde chci. Tahle cesta se mi totiž poměrně nedávno uzavřela a někteří si dali záležet, aby mi to velmi důkladně a až příliš srozumitelně sdělili.
No nic, jdu obhlédnout další vchod do pekla.

Měj se tu pěkně
Tvoje příliš hlučná já

P.S. Peklo už zase prohrálo...

Čti dále...

Sixteenth...

 
Dear God.

I really neglected you these days but believe it or not, I didn't miss it that much. Are you sad? You shouldn't be, you know how I am.
But recently, there's been a problem that's been bothering me. Do I really tend to forget that much? All the important things people tell me, all the things I gotta do, all the things people trust me with... there's no trace of concentration in my mind. I don't get it... I want to try but how am I supposed to do that?
And then there's my sickness... how am I gonna say this? It changed shape. Tremendously. Why does everything happen in such a short time? What am I gonna do for the rest of my life? I wonder... there's one thing I have to revise, actually. Discipline. So please, be of help here. It's nothing easy. And I don't promise anything. I know myself... and even if people think it's cute the way it is, I don't. By the way, I wonder how many people I don't know of are looking at me now...

Well, be a good boy, I'm gonna go mess my head a little more.
Your never satisfied me


Čti dále...

Fifteenth...

 
Dear God.

I know I'm awfully late now but... jeez, what did I tell you about the sickness??? The sickness!!! I'm seriously sick... I guess this isn't gonna heal. I feel crazy. Defeated. And victorious, why the hell??? And you don't help me one tiny bit. I never intended for this to happen. Why do so many things happen when I don't want them to? And in the end... I don't really wanna change it. This part of people is so interesting... and scary. Yeah, I'm probably scared of myself... but I guess that's a part of me too. Just where will this road lead to...
Well, I'll let it go. I already told you I'm going with the flow so... be it. But there's this song you should hear... you really should. Listen to it - it's under the link below. ;)


Download it here

Hope you enjoyed it. ;)
Bye bye
your sick me

Čti dále...

Fourteenth...

 
Dear God.

I'm pretty early today. Surprised? By the way, I really feel like a role of toilet paper that has been used for a second time. Literally. Although I know it's just my stupidity and things happening to me are probably what I made for myself. I still can't understand why people accept me. They get cheated. They hurt. And get disappointed as well. I get disappointed. Wouldn't it be just fine if I lived my life alone? Unfortunately, I'm pretty addictive. I found being with people is so much fun. Especially being with certain people. Well, it's not the first time I tried. But I always make things go wrong... just what is wrong with me? I wanted to accept myself the way I am... but I suddenly can't. There's no way I can accept this person. There's no way I can ever say I'm cool, good or nice. But I guess I don't even have the strength to step out and give up. Somehow I just thought there was a little bit of hope... and it dissolved over the night. The end.
There's one thing that makes me sick though. The people who mention my mistakes over and over. Well, maybe I do deserve it... but somehow it's making me disappointed in myself even more. I was just thinking I can fight with anything that crosses my way. Well... I probably can't. Not when it's not about fighting with myself anymore.
To tell you the truth... maybe I'm making it much bigger than it is. But talking to you has calmed me down a little so thanks.

Your me in blue


Čti dále...

Tredicesi...!!! Thirteenth...

 
Caro Dio Dear God.

I guess writing in Italian isn't the best way to go. I'm not sure if that only lonely person who actually reads this crap understood a word of what I wrote in Italian yesterday (well, he might have, I never know enough) but even if he did, I guess it took most of his energy, unless he holds that dangerous secret of knowing some Roman language, though. Well, enough of that... or maybe next time I'll try French?
As for today, my mind was like a crazy roller coaster going up and down. I don't really know what to think - I found out a huge amount of information which I guess I can't deal with right now. Well, confirmed might be a better word, actually. But sometimes it's scarier than finding out. Right now I'm in state of euphoria as well as a great misery. I don't know if I want to step back and go forward. I guess some things are not gonna go my way even if I want them to and try hard to make it my way. But why is it me who's betraying my expectations? Am I too soft with myself? No, I don't think that's the case. But I hoped this would be a quiet life... instead of peaceful rain I'm like a huge thunderstorm. Crap... I guess I'll really have to go with the flow this time. When drowning in water, you shouldn't fight against it, right??? The basic principle of canoeing... I'll use it in my life.
Sorry for such a weird message but I guess you're used to it already.

Have fun, my non-existent friend.
Your sheepish me


Čti dále...

Nineth, tenth, eleventh and twelveth

 
Dear God.

I know I wasn't here for four days but I did write you. I wrote the whole thing on paper and now I'm gonna rewrite it here so pay attention and don't complain. You'll find the messages under the link below.

Nineth... (29.1.2009)
Dear God.
Do you know the feeling when you just want to scream because your chest feels really tight? You just feel like you can't breathe and want to do anything to stop it. I guess I just feel this way right now. I'm not unhappy, angry or sad... I actually don't know how I feel. I just feel tight. I just want to scream "help!", even if I don't need any. Just to have that feeling of release... well, I guess you can't understand. Gods don't really have these feelings and you don't even exist... my my.
In fact, I'm probably really happy. There's no exact reason that would make me happy. Well, maybe the people around me? Do you get it? The people. I'm seriously going crazy. Since when do I like the people? I wonder if a certain someone is responsible...
I guess something unpredictable is going to happen. I can't tell you what it is, you know, it's unpredictable, after all. But something is... you do plan to cover me, right?

I can't count on you, though. And don't smile so innocently at me, it won't work.
Your extremely lame and confused me

Tenth... (30.1.2009)
Dear God.
It feels like it's been a long time although I just wrote you yesterday. Today I had loads of fun but I guess my thoughts were elsewhere. Jeez, I can't be normal for a second. Surprisingly, I had absolutely no problem with skiing. I tried to do the clockwork move with my sister but the snow was too deep. Darn, why were you so against me? By the way, from now on, I'm gonna blame you for all my problems. It's easy and it's fun. Bear with it.

Yours truly clueless
me. ;)

Eleventh... (31.1.2009)
Dear God.
You blessed me with diarrhea, you bastard. Well, I walked (skied, actually) it over. I was a bad girl, though, making excuses whenever I could. And I fell. It is true I could see nothing at all but still... I made sure it didn't happen twice.
I think I'm not only a bad girl but pretty parasitic too. Poor people around me. Today I kinda... earned off my dad. Jeez, why do I have to tell you everything? Even you are so curious... why do people get curious? And why do I get curious? Since a certain moment I've been getting so curious it's almost unbearable. I've been asking so many questions recently... it's not like me. And I've been asked a lot too... and I replied (well, not in case of my sister but she is a special being which you can't really call by any other name than "hey, shutthefuckupyoubastard!"). How? Can one person actually change that much during such a short period of time? I'm getting lost in myself...
Well, I gotta go, nice talking to you.

Bye bye, fare Thee well, my dear God.
Your singing out of tune me.

Twelveth... (1.2.2009)
Dear God.
Today I had a clearing day. Not a cleaning day (which I actually had too, by the way) but a clearing day - I cleared out a lot of mistakes on my part. I returned my dad a favor and I think I was just a tiny little bit brave. There's been a lot going on in my mind and the final result is like this:
Accidenti! Mi scusate ma devo parlare in italiano perché non posso creare più una sola proposizione e mi sono molto delusa.
Allore... caro Dio.
Penso che sia tutto per oggi ma domani ti scriverai, ti prometto.

Buona bella dolce notte, mio Dio.
Tua matta...

Čti dále...

Eighth...

 
Dear God.

I had a really crazy day today. Yesterday, actually, sorry for the wait. But I was really busy... and I'm not making this up now. Geez, believe me already.
I am really like a huge sinus. Why is that??? I don't know. I'm actually trying to make myself pretty linear but man, it's hard. And people still don't believe my true self. I don't believe my true self. Why can't I be just a little evil...??? People keep saying "you're so innocent." Geez! I gave up on lying. Not because I think it's bad (which I do, by the way) but because I'm a bad liar. I am so transparent. And I can't keep quiet. I wanna be cool. God, teach me how to be cool and mysterious. And bad.
And geez, why do I get the feeling my letters start to make sense??? That's bad. Maybe something will come to my mind while skiing.
By the way - my dog can't sing. If you think he can, you're mistaken.

I wish you good night and sweet dreams.
the uncool innocent too much incredibly unbelievably horribly awfully sweet me


Čti dále...

Seventh and half...

 
Dear God.

I have to tell you I'm finished. Literally. Please, don't take it to heart. Well, it's just as I told you... but not just as I imagined.

Good night.


Čti dále...

Seventh...

 
Dear God.

Sometimes I think people don't want to see me clearly. They seriously think I'm such a good girl. They make me think I'm such a good girl. Geez, what can I do?
I went to hell today and told Lucifer to f***k off. It felt damn good to do so. Well, he did win in the end but I don't really feel defeated. I guess I just found my new universe.
By the way, thanks for the cure, you're not gonna cease from non-existence. I guess you like your current position. Well, keep it up, there's a lot you can hold on to. ;)
I think I'll be finished in a while but I get the feeling I was in a situation like this before. Pray for me.

Your badass me


Čti dále...

Sixth...

 
Dear God.

What the hell did you tell them down there??? Old man Lucifer just went calling me a stupid freak who's so weak she can't even tell the enemy to f***k off because she believes there's none. Well, we'll see how he reacts when he sees me tomorrow because I'm sure I'm finally going there. I'm gonna tell him to f***k off.
I think that's all, I don't feel like writing you too much at the moment. You're not gonna care for my feelings anyway, especially, when I made you believe I don't have any.

Have fun, my non-existent friend.
her loneliness

P.S. If you find a cure for my kind of stomach ache, let me know immediately or else you're gonna start existing and that won't feel good.

Čti dále...

Tolkiencon 2009

 
Nebudu to příliš protahovat. Letošní Tolkiencon byl můj první fantasy con, což je, vzhledem k mé historii, fakt, za který bych se měla opravdu stydět. Jela jsem tam s Elien a rozhodně jsem toho nemusela litovat. Dobře naladěná díky úspěšně splněné zkoušce z matematiky (pěkně děkuji Gladness, hintzuovi a prasátku za jejich psychickou i jakoukoliv jinou podporu) a příslibu nového počítače jsem se tedy s Elien vypravila do Prahy autobusem společnosti Student Agency.

Vyjely jsme později a odložily plánovaný výlet do Japashopu na jindy, takže jsme dorazily tak akorát na registraci. Po jídle jsme se sice na místo conu vrátily, ale já se moc dlouho nezdržela, vyrazila jsem totiž na noc domů, což mi ovšem moc platné nebylo, stejně jsem zas tak dlouho nespala, bylo málo času a moc práce. Ráno jsem prožila svůj klasický zmatek kolem odjezdu. Následky se projevily v tom, že s sebou ještě stále nemám svůj penál, míček od sestry, který jsem používala proti stresu, i když na to asi nebyl určený, ani Heroes of Might and Magic, které jsem si chtěla v nejbližší době zahrát. Na con jsem dorazila (a dokonce v kostýmu), když byla v plném proudu taneční zábava. Kromě Elien jsem tam ale potkala pár známých ze dřeváren, áááách!!! To už je tak dávno, co jsem viděla Calwë! Skončily jsme v objetí pevnějším než je didusíková vazba, a kdyby vám to náhodou nic neřeklo, ani nabroušený diamant by nepřesekl naše pouto. ;) Elien a Calwë byly na mě moc - nemohla jsem než jít tancovat. Zmršila jsem to asi milionkrát, ale byla to sranda. Až na to, že jsem byla za chlapa... 8-DDD ale není nad to propotit triko či dvě pořádným tancem naboso. 8-DDD
Vystoupení Katky Schwarzerové a spol. s harfou v rámci F(al)ešného společenstva a jeho Vzestupu a pádu Númenoru bylo naprosto úchvatné stejně jako to, co přišlo pak. Númenorejci se nám rozhodně ukázali v celé své slávě a vznešenosti.
Pak přišel pokec s Mirwen v její čajovně. Začínám si připadat provinile. Jméno Mirwen mi dal bráška (tedy Stříberka, abyste tomu rozuměli), ale několik lidí mi ho vytklo, protože Mirwen je jen jediná. A já je tak nějak chápu. Tahle osoba je totiž... skutečně jedinečná a jediná. :) Mirwen je prostě úžasná bytost a já se těším, až se na Advíku zase uvidíme.
Chýlil se večer a přišla vědomostní soutěž s tematy klasická literatura, filmy, fantasy literatura a divadlo. Ze tří vědomostních temat jsem věděla prd a kuličku. Odhadla jsem úryvky z Pratchetta, Sapkowskiho, Gaimana a z Noci na Karlštejně. :P Divadlo ovšem bylo něco jiného. Ač jsem se soutěže aktivně neúčastnila, rozhodně jsem se pobavila. Obzvlášť při výstupu Červené Karkulky, když dorazila k Sauronovi a jaksi ho zaskočila otázkou "babičko, proč máte tak velké oko?"
Další byla skupina fantasmagoria, která jen způsobila, že jsem zmlkla a nepovídala si s Elien, ale očekávaný požitek se nedostavil. No, měla jsem přitom dost času opět probrat většinu svého života z dalšího dříve nepoznaného rozměru.
Skupina Gliondar přinesla trochu potěšení do života a obdařila nás pár příjemnými písničkami ze skotského či irského prostředí. Uvolnila jsem se, i když nám to s Elien nezabránilo, abychom poté opět začaly probírat spoustu zajímavých temat typu Johnny's, lolci na druhou, fantasáci, otaku, všechno jedna havěť...
A pak přišel zlatý hřeb večera v podání parodie první poloviny Společenstva prstenu jménem "Do Roklinky a nikdy zpátky", kterou spáchala parta poťouchlých polských spoluobčanů a neváhala se o ni podělit. Pokud na toto dílko někdy narazíte, podívejte se. Chvílemi připomíná Pár Pařmenů, ale... Sam, to je hustej týpek.
Mimochodem, už víte, kolik elfů je třeba na rozsvícení žárovky?
Další úžasná část přišla poté, když jsme se spolu s Calwë, Čendou a pár dalšími přesunili nahoru, začali hrát a zpívat. Nejen, že jsem si zatančila, ale dokonce i zazpívala. A zazpívala tak, že mě lidi dokonce i slyšeli!!! A užila jsem si to, jen ten Soudný den mě mrzí, tam jsem to nějak potento... a zrovna jsem zpívala skoro sólo. :P Nj... do takových situací jsem se holt narodila.
Spát se moc nedalo, jistí inteligenti, kteří si byli více než vědomi, že mají k dispozici celou velkou školu, se totiž rozhodli, že budou hrát a zpívat zrovna před spací místností, takže se spát prostě nedalo. Ráno jsem se pak probudila brzo, protože jsem nemohla dýchat v tak těžkém vzduchu, když nebylo otevřené okno. Kupodivu mne nebolela hlava, ale celý dnešek jsem byla trochu... mimo, no. S Elien jsme si zašly do Japashopu, přičemž já dostala depku z toho, že nekoupím Máje pocky, které neměli, a Elien zase z toho, že nemohla svému bratrovi koupit crackery, které pro změnu neměli. Tak jsme se tedy vydepkované rozloučily, když jsme dorazily metrem na Florenc. Elien odjela do Brna. Slíbila mi, že napíše, jak dorazila, a nenapsala, potvora. Já odjela k tátovi domů. Od té doby tu sedím a při spoustě jiných zajímavých činností ještě píšu tyhle příspěvky.

...a tak žili šťastně až do smrti. A jestli ještě neumřeli, tak tam žijí dodnes...

Čti dále...

Fifth...

 
Dear God.

I left out a day here, you must have missed me. I missed you too. Sometimes I wonder why the f***k people have to become serious. I don't wanna become serious. I'm sick and tired of being overserious most of the time. I wanna have fun, do things my own way, sort the problems out one at a time. And yes, I'm sick. I'm seriously sick and this sickness is not something just anything could cure. I kind of feared this sickness all the time and now it's come. Seriously.
Will they let me to hell if I'm able to have such a sickness??? Theoretically they shouldn't. But...
I won't tell you explicitly which kind of sickness I have. I'm sure you know. You're my God, after all. You have no right to not know.
By the way, humanity is really a scary thing. People think being human is cool. Just because humans can build houses and communicate with more than just sounds, it doesn't mean humanity is a good thing. I actually still think it's pretty bad. Better to be a bloodthirsty animal driven with no more but its instincts than to be a thinking human who can actually hurt others while really thinking about it and the worse - they can realize they did so.
So tell me - should I call myself something else or should I call my code my own humanity...???
Ok, today I'm terribly serious but just remember I'm not gonna give up. And hey, ask old man Lucifer about that sickness for me.
Thanks.

Your naughty me


Čti dále...

Fourth...

 
Dear God.

Today I found out people will laugh at you no matter what you do or who you are. They will even laugh at God. Even if they believe in him. Human nature is a really scary thing. Unfortunately, I just found out I'm also a human. And when the time comes, I will laugh at you. You poor being.
By the way, I've been a bad girl. No apple pie tonight.
You know - sometimes I really feel like kicking the hell out of people. So please, don't be surprised when an angry old woman who just spoiled my mood with her notes out of key comes to you with a hole in her head, eyes twitching and a serious deal of paranoia which was caused by an abusive woman who just blew out her cards on her in a bus.

Thanks for listening.
Sincerely
the crazy writer

Čti dále...

Third...

 
Dear God.

The world is a really funny place. I got a phonecall from hell telling me I'm f***ing late. Yeah, I did take my time and see - I'm still not there. I sprained my leg a little but nothing more happened. Well, that happens sometimes. I must really thank you. For someone who doesn't exist you give me an incredible amount of power. You really don't like the idea of me going to hell, do you? Well, I can go with heaven but I'm not so sure that heaven can go with me. You be the one who decides, I'm not good with making decisions. My life is just a huge experiment so don't expect so much.

With much love
the magical me

P.S.: (No, I won't write I love you) Don't click on the link below - your PC will explode.

See??? And it didn't. Don't just believe anything someone said to you, silly.

Čti dále...

Dear...

 
God.
It's me again. I still don't really believe in you so don't even bother with me. Not believeing in you has helped me a lot actually. I can tell you everything now. It's really easy to talk to a non-existent entity like you. You don't know me so you'd always be surprised when I wanted you to. You will always listen and you won't talk back to me. Not believing has actually an insanely huge amount of advantages. You won't judge me either. Cool.

Yeah, yeah. If anybody wonders what kind of freak owns this blog, it's me. I'm pretty crazy. I'm also extremely self-centered, big-headed, nasty, sly and evil. I love this existence of mine.

And tomorrow I'm going to die so be - or don't be - well.

By the way - I don't mind if I'm not remembered. Anyone is at least a little bit so if I'm not at all, I'll take it cool. ;)

Čti dále...