Nineth, tenth, eleventh and twelveth

 
Dear God.

I know I wasn't here for four days but I did write you. I wrote the whole thing on paper and now I'm gonna rewrite it here so pay attention and don't complain. You'll find the messages under the link below.

Nineth... (29.1.2009)
Dear God.
Do you know the feeling when you just want to scream because your chest feels really tight? You just feel like you can't breathe and want to do anything to stop it. I guess I just feel this way right now. I'm not unhappy, angry or sad... I actually don't know how I feel. I just feel tight. I just want to scream "help!", even if I don't need any. Just to have that feeling of release... well, I guess you can't understand. Gods don't really have these feelings and you don't even exist... my my.
In fact, I'm probably really happy. There's no exact reason that would make me happy. Well, maybe the people around me? Do you get it? The people. I'm seriously going crazy. Since when do I like the people? I wonder if a certain someone is responsible...
I guess something unpredictable is going to happen. I can't tell you what it is, you know, it's unpredictable, after all. But something is... you do plan to cover me, right?

I can't count on you, though. And don't smile so innocently at me, it won't work.
Your extremely lame and confused me

Tenth... (30.1.2009)
Dear God.
It feels like it's been a long time although I just wrote you yesterday. Today I had loads of fun but I guess my thoughts were elsewhere. Jeez, I can't be normal for a second. Surprisingly, I had absolutely no problem with skiing. I tried to do the clockwork move with my sister but the snow was too deep. Darn, why were you so against me? By the way, from now on, I'm gonna blame you for all my problems. It's easy and it's fun. Bear with it.

Yours truly clueless
me. ;)

Eleventh... (31.1.2009)
Dear God.
You blessed me with diarrhea, you bastard. Well, I walked (skied, actually) it over. I was a bad girl, though, making excuses whenever I could. And I fell. It is true I could see nothing at all but still... I made sure it didn't happen twice.
I think I'm not only a bad girl but pretty parasitic too. Poor people around me. Today I kinda... earned off my dad. Jeez, why do I have to tell you everything? Even you are so curious... why do people get curious? And why do I get curious? Since a certain moment I've been getting so curious it's almost unbearable. I've been asking so many questions recently... it's not like me. And I've been asked a lot too... and I replied (well, not in case of my sister but she is a special being which you can't really call by any other name than "hey, shutthefuckupyoubastard!"). How? Can one person actually change that much during such a short period of time? I'm getting lost in myself...
Well, I gotta go, nice talking to you.

Bye bye, fare Thee well, my dear God.
Your singing out of tune me.

Twelveth... (1.2.2009)
Dear God.
Today I had a clearing day. Not a cleaning day (which I actually had too, by the way) but a clearing day - I cleared out a lot of mistakes on my part. I returned my dad a favor and I think I was just a tiny little bit brave. There's been a lot going on in my mind and the final result is like this:
Accidenti! Mi scusate ma devo parlare in italiano perché non posso creare più una sola proposizione e mi sono molto delusa.
Allore... caro Dio.
Penso che sia tutto per oggi ma domani ti scriverai, ti prometto.

Buona bella dolce notte, mio Dio.
Tua matta...