Nineteenth...

 
Dear God.

I feel awfully tired. There's been a certain... someone... that occupied my mind. Right now there's a little more of these "someones". I don't know what to think anymore. Everybody's been making me feel guilty. Am I now? What am I supposed to think? Somehow everybody thinks I always have time for them. I'm not a god, dammit! Do I really need to sacrifice some to please others? Every time I say I'm sorry I'm at guilt... and every time I'm tired I'm also at guilt... when I forget something because I had too much other work to do, I'm at guilt again. When I want to care, they point out sarcastically that I suddenly care? And when I turn my back at them, they get mad. Am I really that bad? I'm going crazy. My mind is full of things I don't need. And when I need someone... they're not there. Why did I find people to talk to? When I was alone, I didn't mind being forgotten. I guess I got really spoiled...
I wanna be alone again. All alone... but I don't really have the strength to do that. I don't have the resolve either. Why do I have to cling to hope so much? Please... can't you make my mind blank? There's so much... so much that I just keep doing stupid things and disappointing people.

I can't really stop writing these awfully negative messages, I have at least one place to relieve my stress at. Don't be mad. Not you.
your not-too-hyper-today me