Eighteenth...

 
Dear God.

I better go back to English - I can express myself a little better that way. Not a thing I should be proud of but let's just use the best means possible to do so.
I got a feeling I really am too good to certain people. Maybe giving too much is not the best way to go, even if it's just in return. I can't say I'm a saint - I'm not and I'm not trying to be one. It's just that sometimes I expect so much from myself... and I tend to forget who I am and what I can afford. And why is it I give so much to the people I like but not that much to the people I love? I'm getting indebted, meaning in more than one way. The feeling's not too good.
The other problem is the feeling of helplessness. There's so much on my mind rght now. I'd like to do something but I can't. I can't help the people around me, I just can sit and watch. So many problems to which I don't know of a solution... and I'm seriously tired of running away. There's been enough of running away in my life. But I'm still scared that one day I will. Again.

God, don't take it personally. I really am happy right now but that doesn't mean I have no problems. There's enough. Maybe this will help me keep it cool.
Have a very nice freezing day
Your pointlessly weird me